Week 1: Way Too Early Power Rankings

It's week 1 - looks like the season is over. Kamara is going to score 545.6 points, and Patrick Mahomes will complete a TD every fourth pass, ending up with 75 TDs on the season. John, Eric, Garrett, Lindberg, and Vollmuth will go undefeated and we will have the first ever 5-way tie for the LoS. But really, Eric and John had stellar weeks - scoring over 300 pts between them. Garrett had an oddly successful week, looks like the two kicker strategy is really paying off. Lindberg had an above average week, knocking our MVP of last year into #10 in the power rankings - but he had a slow start last year, so we'll see. Vollmuth only escaped with a victory at the hands of a 66 point performance by Ben - his #3 roster keeps him out of the gutter. Charlie and myself did not have awful weeks, but we did not perform as was projected. We just couldn't keep it up. Tim and Gorman are butt buddies once again towards the lower end of the rankings as opposed to last year spending the majority of the time in the upper echelon.

At the moment, John's team looks stellar. AP looked great - but will "old man" body hold up for the duration of the season? Kamara tore it up, but that line is unsustainable. Will Leveon come back next week? Never? Only the Fantasy Gods can say. They are cruel, wiley, and contentious wenches. They pay no heed to your bench, to who you love, who has the best match up. They take your careful picked draft and stick it up their pee hole - just to piss it down the drain. They take your well thought out lineup, softly stroke it to open the pores, and fill it with acid - just because.

But we will continue to spend $30 of faab on a handcuff because we heard a rumor, we will continue to not trade because we overvalue our players, we will start who Yahoo says, not our guts. But that is fantasy football, and that is why we play. All in hopes of having a week like John and Eric's.

Week 2: The Case for Mahomey Fitzmagik

John continues his outrageous reign as Lord of the 10 teams. While auto-picking for half his draft, his masterful of AP and Leveon Bell 2.0 aided in his phoenix- like rise from the ashes. Some shied away from these two players, sighting reasons unbeknownst to everyone but themselves and the Lord Almighty. While the risk is certainly still there, his players are performing in ways we all can only imagine. It also helps he's had the third easiest schedule ;). Garrett continues his oddly high ascension and contention to the top of the league. In week 2, we saw newcomer Charlie wipe the floor with Gurely, Diggs, and Gould performing admirable. All but Big Ben, just couldn't get it up in this matchup for Vollmuth who dropped two spots this week. There weren't any close games as the haves have started to separate themselves from the have-nots, with the closest game being 10 points. There is still a lot of season left, but the bottom feeders will need to make some massive pickups or trades to catch the behemoth that is John.... And surprisingly Garrett.

Week 3: Middle Jiggle Sandwich

Garrett and John continue their dominance. Garrett was aided by the shootout that was TB and Pit., and Cam Newton's 2 rushing TDs. While John, "underperformed", having to overcome the blowup game from the Viking D, was aided slightly by underperforming QB, RBs, WR's, and TEs... just about everyone who wasn't a kicker, flex, or D.

Tim and myself continue our plummet to the bottom of the list. It is unfortunate that I have met a buzz saw in every game, with only Charlie even close in points scored against, time is running out for my team to perform. Tim has been the sufferer of bad luck team, with Bell holding out, and Freeman out for who knows how long, he is struggling to patch together a team in a league that is seeing weekly score of 120+.

Gorman was the beneficial or Tim's underperformance with a respectable 97 points, but that only gains him 1 spot in this week's power rankings.

EVB jumped two spots and is quickly solidifying himself as the "best of the rest", only 5 points behind Garrett for 2nd most points. Vollmuth was another underperforming this week, but only dropped 1 spot - consider him the antithesis to EVB.

Our virgins, Charlie and Ben, faced off in what was a boring, low scoring matchup with both teams reeling in the lowest point total of the winners and losers. They best be looking to improve their teams or embrace the LoS. 90 points ain't going to cut it in this league anymore.

Let's see if we can get a league shake up rather than the consistency at the top and bottom this week.

Week 4: Spread 'Em

The exact opposite happened that what I asked for last week. More separation with the winners winning and losers losing. We matchups of 0-3 teams and 3-0 teams, resulting in one 4-0 team and one 0-4, with the rest either 3-1 or 1-3. Lack of diversity is what creates weak links in the genetic pool, guys. John continues his mastery of the league with his 15 pt victory of now-defeated Garrett. Even with a -4 pts from the Vikes, he's riding Super Kamario harder than Khal Drogo did Khalessi. Slight concern for his team as Bell and Ingram return... but that wont change much. He is the team to beat. Neither teams moved in this weeks power rankings.

The bottom feeders battled it out, and my team finally came to play. Tim plummets to a panic button 0-4, whilst I move to 1-3, which was the record Tim started off with last year, before going on to win the Gorman Award for Excellence. Tim continues to hold the baseline with the #10 power ranking, while I flip-flopped with Ben #7 and #9, respectfully.

Ben holds the record for the two lowest scores of the season, with week 4 being the worst. 64 points wouldn't cut it in a regular season. In a year when our average point scored is 101 (including the losers!), 64 aint gunna cut it. Eric was the beneficiary of Ben's ED. A nice showing from Geo and Golden Tate helped EVB maintain his #3 spot with 107 pts. Which is only the 7th highest point total this week - ridiculous year so far.

A solid showing from Vollmuth and Lindberg resulted in a WWZD victory and another no-change in their power rankings, keeping at #5 and #8. Both should be looking to improve their rosters as they are at the bottom half of the league in roster strength. It's shaping out to be a mad rush for the #4 playoff spot, and they'll need all the help they can get - especially to avoid the LoS.

Unfortunately for Charlie, he didn't start Kupp. He didn't start King Goffery. He didn't start TJ Yeldon. With those three players, his bench scored more points than his starters. It would have been an absolute bloodbath. But instead, Gorman skates through on the shoulders of Gordon and Ryan - resulting in another boring, no change in power rankings.

Oddly enough, this week, all the 3-1 teams play the 1-3 teams. While Tim and John battle to keep (or not keep) a goose egg in one of their columns. I'm looking forward to another, boring, no change in power rankings. Except for me. Go me.

Week 5: Tour De France

This week featured a bit of the same, with John and Garrett starting to pull away from the peloton. But the peloton now is full of teams gunning for the 3rd and 4th spots for the playoffs. A crash or doping allegation could derail the two juggernauts of this season. But for now, John is Lance, Garrett is some other doped up biker, and the rest of us are just trying to hang on in this Tour De Frahnce.

Tour De France? More like Tour Deforce as John continues his march to an undefeated season. This was the most beatable week for John, only scoring 106 points, but Tom couldn't capitalize scoring only 79. It's about par for the course for both teams. No change in rankings for anyone as both pull further away from the peloton. Tim is the once great bicyclist who thought he could perform as great as he once did. John is Lance Armstrong. Just juiced up beyond belief. How long will that last? Probably week 7 - just like Lances 7 wins before plummeting into obscurity with one testicle. John plays myself in his toughest test yet - projected to lose by 5 points (thanks bye weeks), he'll need a good performance as his power ranking is only 79 this week.

A bit of luck for John's next week opponent, me - last week I got a flat tire just like Cooks' head. But with a stellar QB/WR performance from OBJ, I had no problem beating Gorman whose whole team just didn't show up. I stayed steady at the heavenly number of 7 while Gorman dropped two spots to #46.

EVB performed well overall, with top 10 performances from HoFer Brees, and ROY candidates Michel and Barkley. But the rest of his team wasn't up to snuff and unfortunately he ran into the buzzsaw of Greatest Show on "Turf" 2.0. I think Charlie learned his lesson - start your Rams. With Diggs performing as he should, Kupp being the #2 WR in fantasy football, and Gurely to anchor down his RBs, Charlie is looking primped and primed for the playoffs. EVB has a solid team, but he'll need consistent performances from Hill and Allen to avoid the buzzsaw of John and Charlie. EVB continues the stranglehold at the #3 spot whilst Charlie slowly climbs the cliff into the fray that is the top echelon of this league.

In a back and forth battle that pitted our #8 vs our #4, Ben was able to deal a second loss to Lindberg - riding on the backs of Wentz, Brown, and Ingram. Brady's nearly 30 points were no match for the well rounded, pear-shaped attack of the Backdoor Lutz 9's. Roster rankings do matter I guess

In the closest projected game of the week, Garrett once again won. How he does it, nobody knows. He has the #7 roster yet is #2 in the power rankings. The answer is in the points scored against. Vollmuth "added" to that total by only throwing up 89 points - ain't gonna cut it this year.

I hope I didn't m,iss anything. I'm finishing this up a week late. Sometimes, life uh uh uh, gets in the way.

Week 6: Present Presents in the Present

What the heck. I thought we would only see a 167 score once in the league. The next highest we've seen since keeping track of power rankings was 167 this year, the third - 137 in 2017 by Gorman. My dudes, the highest scorer average 138 points. This year has been absolutely ridiculous. The average score (winners and losers), has been 102, compared to 91 last year and 94 the year before. As Nick Frost says in the critical acclaimed Hot Fuzz, this season has been, "Off the fucking chain."

Speaking of off the fucking chain. Dynasty member, John, is on a tear. He hasn't scored less than 106 pts all season. The league average is 102. His lowest point total of the season is still higher than the average. He's like Dan Bilzerian. Even on an off week, he's still bangin' bitches, while the rest of us are just glad to drive the uber to his party. Who can stop him!? Not Gorman this week after the 30+ performance by Denver. He's got: Vollmuth, Ben, and Charlie in the next three weeks. John's going to be 9-0 before EVB and his 167 pt team could ruin John's undefeated season. Unlucky for me, I faced him this weekend, performed poorly and lost... again. Even with a studly roster, my bois just wont play. Projected to beat John by 5, I got the 10 in flaccid dick, but can't get it up. My #1 roster keeps me at #7 in the rankings, the best of the worst. John also has the #1 roster and retains his ever present #1 power ranking.

A family that scores 167 together stays together. That should be the Anderson/Van Buren moto. EVB played the matchup game, starting Winston in an Uber good matchup against Atlanta's porus secondary. Not to be outdone by Jameis' groping for points - Saquon, Tyreek the Freak, and Globo Gym trainer Meeshell decided to outsource their projections by 12+ points. Unfortunately with Garrett's win, EVB doesn't move up in the power rankings, but solidifies his #3 spot. Fantasy Football is a game of luck often time, and Gorman was on the backhand of the bitch slap that is Lady Luck. Scoring the second highest total this week, 128, it was not but a feeble performance in the shadow of EVB's behemoth of a week. It does however move him up one spot to #5 in this weeks power rankings, and positions him nicely for a run at the 4th playoff spot.

Speaking of playoff, I feel dirty even mentioning that word in the same sentence as Ben. Even with the 4th strongest roster, he's last in points scored - good enough for 9th in our power rankings. Not for the lack of trying though, he does lead the league in FAAB spent. Ben did have a little hope this week until Davante Adams decided to go off. Resulting in Garrett winning again. Even with the 7th weakest roster, somehow this guy continues to win, slotting him in at #2 again - quite the outlier season for him. In the past 5 years Garrett has only had 1 winning season. He has a worse overall record that HENRY! We need to score more against him. Only once ha a team scored more that 100 points, and they beat him (of course it was John). It's better to be lucky than good i guess. But it's nice to see him more involved this year :)

Speaking of involved, Vollmuth drew the easy task of piling dirt onto Tom's grave. With half of two of the top four scorers on Tom's team being his kicker and defense, he was sitting pretty (for his season this year) until A-Aron decided to pull a miraculous game out of his miraculous butt. With his victory, Vollmuth inches forward to #8 this week and will look to build upon his 1 week winning streak against bottom dweller, me, and move forward to attempt to bring down John the Giant. Tom is has placed his season in the hands of Leveon Bell. However, as Bell with so much uncertainty with that, it has turned Tom's season into a certainty... of disaster. Maybe if he would have picked up James Connor, maybe if his draft didn't result in 4 of his top 6 players not playing, maybe if he would have made trades. But if we look into what could of been, we forget to focus on the present. Which is what playing Tom is, a present.

Presently, Charlie has quietly risen to #4 in the rankings. He learned his lesson after week 4 - start your Rams. With the pass catching RB duo of McCaffery and Gurley, Diggs and King Goffery ready to explode in any game, he's made a nice little win streak of 2 games. While his #7 roster is a bit of a concern has he makes the playoff push, his upside is undeniable. Charlie got a nice performance from Lindberg who only scored the lowest total of the week - 75. Lindberg is like Garrett-lite. Only scoring over 100 points twice, his victories have been within the margin of error. But for losing Fournette, he has slapped together a nice season so far. But with most other teams starting to find their groove, he drops two places to #6 in this week's power rankings. Time is ticking, and to avoid the LoS, he's either going to need Fournette to hurry back, or make some moves to avoid the sticky mess that his season might becum.

Week 7: Fuck it.