Awards

Last year, we saw John, myself, Garrett, and Sean complete our 10th year of fantasy football. That was so long ago! I was probably just jerking off 10 years ago tonight, and hey, I'm still doing the same thing 10 years later. Not much has changed besides a few wrinkles on the good ol' scrotum. As we look ahead to the next 10 years, the original three (since Sean bitched out), will need to get their shit together. While John and myself are the only threepeaters the league has seen, Gorman and Tim have had great success in this league and are on the verge of unseating the original dynasty. Tim has never had a losing season, and Gorman has the highest win percentage in the league.

Sean left a pretty large gap when he left, but his gap was quickly, and violently filled by EVB. Since bursting onto the scene in 2011, Eric has finished in the top four five times. Having never finished in 1st, Eric is the perfect filler for the Sean Gap.

To the awards!!!

- Gorman Award for Excellence: Tim Hogan. After starting the season off 1-3, Tim went on a tear of averaging 116 points a game en route to one of the most statistically rewarding seasons to date. However, he just could finish it. Ending up with surprising loss in the 1st round of the playoffs to Lindberg, Tim did regain form to finish third, with a 6 pt win over EVB. Tim has NEVER finished with a losing record. The only other players who can claim the same thing is Michael Bush (class of '08), and Eric's sister (class of '12). And they only player one season.

- Ted Lano Award for Terribleness: With great pain, this award goes to a man who defends the lowest of us, but can't seem to shake his losing ways. With 4 losing seasons over the past 5 years, and as the only team to score less than 1000 points, the Ted Lano Award for Terribleness goes to Garrett. His lack of waiver wire activity has an interesting correlation to his finishing position, which for him, is often on his knees. 1st place isn't won in the draft, it's the waiver wire whores who finish top dogs most years. Garrett's 2017 last place finish was so historically bad, I had to 2009 to find teams that finished with lower than 1000 points. Great job, Garrett, you're now mentioned in the same breath as Wylie Wickstrom (class of '09), Ted Lano (class of '09), and Henry (class of '08).

- Grab Her by the Pussy Award (best waiver snag) - Alvin Kamara - Tim Hogan. On October 4th at 1:58 pm, Tim's season changed. Kamara would score 11 TDs for Tim along with 645 rushing yards and 679 receiving yards. Netting Tim around 16 pts/game.

- Kate Moss Award (Slimmest margin of victory): Me. With a victory over Garrett in week 2 by .2 points. Those .2 points could have been the difference in earning me a seat at the LoS.

- Stormy Daniels Award (Largest Spread): Everyone got a piece of Garrett this year, and Tim was no exception. Absolutely destroying Garrett by 59 pts at a 127.24 to 68.24

- One and Done (Most pts in a game): Tim, of course. With 138 in week 9 vs John, who put up respectable 108 pts, but no match for the meat grinder that was Tim.

- Gluttonous Award (Most pts/gm): Tim "buzzsaw" Hogan. An astronomical 109 pt/g. That's over 10 points more than the next highest score, and 17 pts more than the average. Let me put it this way. He ended the season with: Zeke, Antonio Brown, Deandre Hopkins, and Alvin Kamara - that four of the top 10 draft picks this year.

- Two Pump Chump (highest draft grade lowest finish): Brady had the top draft grade with his #1 pick. However, per usual, Yahoo got it wrong and he finished in second to last place with a 4-10 record.

- Anti-Refractory Award (worst draft grade, best finish): This is a difficult one, because lindberg finished with a 10-4 record with a projection of 5-9. But it of course has to go to Tim. He got the lowest grade, and whilst struggling for the first part of the season, told Yahoo to shove it - which is what we all shoot for, of course.

- LazyBoi Award (least WW moves): Garrett, with 1. Exhibit A: Ted Lano Award for Terribleness

- And You Get A Player, And You Get a Player Award (Most trades): The longest titled award would have the most winners, Vollmuth, myself, and John take home this award. Honestly though, we all need to start trading more.

- Never Satisfied Unless It's Your Mom Award (most waiver moves): Myself again, four years running. Quick note, 1st place quite often has top 2 or 3 in waiver moves.

- Bukkake Award (Most pts scored against): Tim Hogan. Not often does one win the Alex Gorman Award for excellence AND get the most points scored against them. That just goes to show you how great of a season Mr. Hogan really had.

- MVP: Todd Gurely II. As the 9th RB selected as pick 17, Gurley tore it up in 2017. He finished as the 2nd highest scoring player in standard, and THE highest in ppr. To put that in perspective, Gurley was: the only RB in the top 10; 10 QBs separated him and Leveon Bell; and averaged 4 pts more than Bell, 6 pts more than Hunt, and 7 more points than Gordon and Kamara. Just a torrid season for him. And our eventual champion.

- Busted Nut (biggest draft bust): You hate to pick on someone who had such a devastating injury, but David Johnson. Going #1 in most drafts and ours as well, he was a bust in many leagues. Probably hamstringing many into the bottom of their league. I'd like to see if anyone was able to salvage their season after this bust.

- ScatSwapping Award (most trades): Unfortunly, this most vile award goes to me - with 3 out of the 4 trades last year involving me. Too bad none of them panned out for my 4th championship.

- Hamburglar Award (draft day steal): Toss up again between Vollmuth/Marvin Jones at 13.10 and Gorman/Latavius Murray at 14.7. We'll give the edge to Vollmuth since Murray really was only relevant because of Cook's injury. 1100 yards and 9 TDs ain't so bad for the 13th round. Didn't help Vollmuth avoid getting on his knees to avoid the LoS for the third time in four years.

- Don't Call It a Cumback Award: Honestly, as bad as it sounds, we'll have to give it to Tim. Starting off the season 1-3 and then 2-4, that's almost halfway through the season. To finish on the roll that he did, top marks, way not to bitch out.

- Commissioner's Trophy: It comes as no surprise that the commissioner's trophy goes to Tim Hogan. In one of the most dominating years in the "modern" era, it's actually a miracle how he did not finish in first place. His two lowest games came at the end of the season with 83 and 79 points. Truly a dominant performance this year.